I dont like my inlaws. Chide me all you want, but I dont. Honestly? I dont think they like me either. After almost 20 years of being with my hubby I still feel as if they view me as an 'outsider'.
When I was young and a newlywed, I had visions of granduer. I envisioned many weekends with the inlaws, mother and siblungs alike. Visions of our kids being best friends and growing up together. Now what do I see? I see the siblings kids being raised that way but me and my daughter are on the outside looking in.
Hubby is from a large family. Growing up I never had a sister, so I loved the idea when we got married that I would have sister in laws. Wrong! I honestly think when a large family starts bringing in new members, they feel as if they dont 'need' anyone else because they already have so many, so they shun the new members. It almost feels like a cult.
My MIL never even calls our house. You know how she talks to hubby? On his cell phone when he is at work. I havent been to her house in over two years. Hubby and daughter have been. I figure why waste my weekend feeling like a oddball, I can stay at home and do something more productive. So I do.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Family Joy
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4 comments:
at least you don't dwell on it now, or waste time trying to get 'in' with them. I always think its cheeky of someone to disrespect the mother of the child they love so much.
fatcat has been unwell! you musta known it when you commented. he is ok now, on pep-cat pills - which are basically nz green lipped mussels in a pill format, spoilt boy!! he freaked me out being so sick tho, and when i got to the vets, a woman was bawling, as they had to put down their 18yo cat, i was in tears by the end too. Fatcat is ok now tho, thanks for asking.
xxx
As long as you don't do the same to your daughters partner (which I'm sure you wont!) It's a shame it's like that, but hey, her problem, not yours.
My Wife got very upset with my Mum after our Daughter's birth - she felt excluded from family life (my Mum did the whole cell phone bit with me) and got the impression that she was trying to take over the raising of her baby.
We tried the 'nice' approach first, but it took a major falling out (we stopped M&D seeing my Daughter for 6 Months and they missed her first Christmas) before my Mum was actually prepared to talk through and resolve the problems.
As Dr. Phil says - someone needs to be the hero in this relationship. Maybe you could make some extra efforts?
My MIL and sis in laws also were 'cultish'. But I just kept showing up, and making my presence known, and now we have a good relationship. Not perfect - but bearable! ;)
I don't know what it is about mothers and sons. Some sort of freudian pseudo sexual connection or something. But it often seems to be the man's mom that is the problem.
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