I haven’t really had much to talk about, so therefore I haven’t posted in awhile. I hope the feeling of emptiness goes away when I get a new PC at the end of the month. Then again, I have found that I don’t need to spend as much time on the computer as I thought I did. Plus I will have a teenage daughter to fight over the computer with. I have to schedule and reserve time to use the house phone as it is now.
My daughter has her first “boyfriend”. She is 13 and he is 14, but they are two grades apart in school because of how their birthdays fall. He will be 15 this fall, with her turning 14 two months later. She has had to endure a lot of lack from the kids of school because he is older. My first serious boyfriend was two grades ahead of me. I was in the 9th grade and it was at my 14th birthday party that we actually started a relationship that lasted until my senior year in high school.
I am fine with my daughter being a normal teenage girl, but her father (aka my husband) is having a much harder time with it. I feel as if I am on one end of the parenting spectrum and he is on the other. Our daughter is a good kid. Always has been, at least so far. I know that we are just now approaching the tumultuous teenage years, but I will continue to trust her until she gives me a reason not to. This is how I was raised, with respect and trust.
My husband however tells me to get my head out of the clouds, that just because I wasn’t ‘bad’, doesn’t mean she isn’t going to try to be. He keeps trying to rule with this iron clad fist, the “because I said so, I am your father” mentality. I keep telling him that he is just going to push her away.
Before Christmas, she would watch tv and talk on the phone in our bedroom because she didn’t have a tv in her room, but she got one for Christmas. This was mainly because of me. I was the one that had no where to go when I wanted to be alone. Well now she stays in her room, watching tv, talking on the home phone and texting on her cell phone. Her dad gets mad because she is in her room all the time. I just don’t think he understands the life of a teenage girl. I told him that my dad used to tease me about being ‘holed’ up in my room and often referring to my room as “the cave”.
My poor daughter has even had to endure the other kids in her grade teasing her and calling her names because her boyfriend is ‘older’. He is a good kid. I like him. He has been to our house and she has been to his, knowing of course that a parent is going to be home. I took her, him and one of my daughter’s friends out to eat and to the mall one day. She went to his house last night to have dinner. His grandmother was in town and wanted to meet my daughter.
They are making their Valentine’s Day plans. It’s cute. He wants to take her out to eat. He even asked to speak to me on the phone one night and then asked me what she likes eat. They daughter has a cheerleading banquet to attend at the end of February. She asked him to be her date. She and I have picked out her dress. He has gone to be fitted for his tux.
I just hope that husband learns to loosen up and enjoy this time in our daughter’s life before he completely pushes her away and she doesn’t want to share anything with him.
So what do you think? Am I being naïve and too trusting?
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
First "Love"
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11 comments:
Only you know your daughter Kris, I'm sure you are the best judge, but personally I would adopt your stance. If you show you trust people, they generally want to keep that trust and won't abuse it.
I'm sure you'd spot any tell tale signs anyway, as you appear to have a very good grasp of the situation.
no, i think you are right, you have to give trust until you are proven wrong ,... you cant preempt this stuff.
my parents were quite strict with me, and it taught me how to sneak around and lie to them. i have awful stories of stuff that happened to me in those days that i still cant tell my mum, she would be so upset, but it was cos of some of her overbearing rules and regulations that i got into trouble.
my parents were really good to me. they told me that they would always trust me until I gave them reason not to, so that put the responsibility of knowing the right thing to do back on me...I had been taught, so I knew the choice I was supposed to make, if I wanted to.
I think it is super sweet. They sound adorable. Something to keep in the back of your mind though...I never tried a drug or a drink in school. I had a job and worked all the time, great grades and never got in trouble. I also was having sex with my boyfriend everyday at the age of 15. He was my boyfriend until I graduated, but looking back, it was a miracle I did not get pregnant with no real means of birth control!!!
You think you are in love and that they are "the one" at that age!! On the other hand, one of my best friends was the same way and she DID marry him after college and is happy!!!
It's tough to be a mom!!!
It doesn't matter how tight of a fist you rule with. If they want to do something they will find a way. All you can do is try to raise them with good values.
I was having sex everyday with my g/f at the age of 16.
It may not be too much longer for her, but it is pretty normal. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong or bad.
I think you have a great approach to your daughter Kris...you respect her and her life and she respects you back. My father was really strict with me and whilst I loved and respected him, I also lied and snuck around in order to do the things I wanted to do but that he wouldn't have let me do. I think it's great that you know where your daughter is and what she's doing, rather than constantly reading the riot act at her and as a consequence having her sneak around behind your back.
Kris, you have a lovely relationship with your daughter. Keep the fight up with the husband. Knowing fathers, he's just sitting there with the shotgun for any boy who comes near her. You need to be there to fight her corner. It's natural.
I think you're on the right track Kris. Letting them know you trust them is reinforcement enough I think.
As you said before, it's best that you trust her until she gives you reason not to.
Personally, being a father, I think your husband's reaction isn't abnormal. I would have a hard time seeing my little girl turn into a woman in front of my eyes. His behavior is just a protest to her getting older.
You should stand strong with your thinking...hopefully she can prove to him that you trust her for good reason.
Thank you for your comments. It felt so good to hear from you all. I hope that I dont ever look back and regret the decisions that I have made in raising her.
I asked her the other day if she wanted to ask me anything about sex, because you know I have done it!
I told her that.
And she goes, "Ewwwwww! Gross mom! I didnt want to think that!"
I laughed and thought, I know, thats why I did it! lol
I said, "Well you can look at anyone and that's exactly how they got here too!"
She goes, "MOM!"
I laughed and walked out of her room.
Hi Kris, My experience is that you have to trust to be trusted. Still Girls will be girls and Boy, well we al know what boys are like.
The body goes through so many changes a lot earlier than they used too, plus teh need to please the new "love" of your life is pretty intense. I say , sure trust them, but dont be blind to the reality of modern life. Sometimes our kids say what they know we want to hear. Still trust is a wonderful thing, dont break it> BTW you still on old blog?
I don't know. I've always felt with my kids that children have no privacy. Privacy breeds drugs and sex. I know because my parents (being hippies) gave me tons of freedom and privacy and I used it to get high and get laid.
It's a miracle I never got pregnant (or std's).
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