"This Rocking Song"

Today in church we had a slide show of all the kids graduating from high school this year. In a few short years my daughter will be graduating. They played this song and I cried. Of course then we come home from church and she and I get in to an argument. I told her maybe it would be best if she and I just didnt talk since it seems like we always argue. Her daddy is her saint and I am the evil one. If she only knew how much I am behind everything she does and has. But I cant tell her. She has to see it for herself. But yet she is so intolerable of me. As my hubby says, I say white, she says black and vice versa. But yet this song makes me cry for my baby...


Title: Artist: THE ACAPPELLA COMPANY
Song: ROCKING SONG
Album: HEAR IT IN OUR VOICE: VOLUME 3 -

Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her tight
Gonna hold my baby till the morning light
Though I may be tired and I may be weak
I will love this child so small and meek

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her tight
Gonna hold my baby till the morning light
Gonna let her know that nothing's wrong
Gonna hold my baby and sing this rocking song

Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her near
Gonna hold my baby, wipe away her tears
I will keep on rocking till she feels all right
Gonna sing her songs about Jesus Christ

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her near
Gonna hold my baby, wipe away her tears
I will cradle my child until the pain is gone
Gonna hold my baby and sing this rocking song

Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her near
Gonna hold my baby through the tender years
As she starts to learn, as she starts to grow
I will show her things she needs to know

Gonna hold this child, gonna hold her near
Gonna hold my baby through the tender years
As she moves away and the days grow long
I will pray for my baby and sing this rocking song

Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song

Gonna hold this child though she's far away
Gonna hold my baby like it's yesterday
Though I may not see and I may not know
Gonna keep on praying rocking to and fro

Gonna hold this child though she's far away
Gonna hold my baby like it's yesterday
Gonna let her know my love's lifelong
While she hold her baby and sings her rocking song

Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song
Sing this rocking, sing this rocking, sing this rocking song

Scriptural Reference: "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children" Titus 2:4

Meaning

What did I mean by my last post?

For years it seems, even prior to the blogging world, I was hiding. I let my doubts and my insecurities tell me that things were wrong in my life. I searched for ways to make them right.

In my search I was just let further astray. I was the fool. I befriended who I thought was a 33 year old man who ended up being a 53 year old man. Later, lesson not learned apparently. I befriended another man who turned out to actually be a woman. So it seems in my quest to 'fix' things in my life, I just made them worse.

Then, the other day it hit me. I am happy now. Whatever it was that I was trying so hard to rid my life of, they're gone. I am happy. My life is good. My demons are gone.

Proud Mama

I was so proud of my daughter today, that I cried tears of joy.

She made the cheerleading squad at her school.

My Demons

Are gone.

You learn something new everyday

Well at last daughter dearest and I are speaking today, as opposed to yesterday when I popped her mouth for smarting off to me. Oh if looks could have killed...I would be dead now. VI? You said this was not a stage you look forward to with your boys, but do you think that mothers and sons disagree like mothers and daughters do?

If they only knew that we always put them first in every thing we do.

You know they say you learn something new everyday? Well guess what I learned today?
I learned that although U-turns are legal in my state, however they are not in front of a fire station.

Dumb question: Are there tornadoes in England? Seriously. I want to know. We had tornadoes in my state last week and I am curious.

What a Waste

Do you ever wonder why you are where you are? I mean exactly what it is that you are supposed to be doing that is making a difference in the world?

My daughter hates me. All we ever do is fight. She usually stays gone all weekend, over at friends' houses, then the second she gets home, we fight.

I can see it now, a lonely old woman with one child who never comes to visit on holidays.

And people wonder why I like pets so much.

My husband doesnt "hate" me, but he doesnt like me much. I cant remember the last time he touched me intimately in any way. We have been together all weekend and nothing.

My life sucks right now.

I am a sucky blogger too.

Being and doing good

My faith in humaity was restored last night.

It is deer season, so hubs is at the deer cabin. It is close to the in-laws so daughter went to hang there with her cousins that her age. I opted to stay home...see previous post. lol I enjoy my time at home.

I was hungry and one of the joys of being home alone is I can go out and get what I want. I was in the mood for a taco salad, so I went to Taco Bell. Ok, ok, I know, not the best choice, but I didnt want to wait. I was in line and low and behold, it was taking a little while and being woman, I didnt stop for gas, but was low on it, so I thought, "hey, turn the truck and conserve gas." So I did. Sure enough...as soon as I did that, the line began to move. I went to turn the truck on and guess what? Oh yeah...it's dead. How embarrassing.

Of course the drive thru lane was only big enough for one vehicle, so I got out and informed the people behind me of my plight. It was two women in the front, but unbeknownst to me, there were two men in the back. They offered to push me back, towards the back of the parking lot. Of course, I accepted...what else could I do? They pushed me back. I thanked them. They asked if they could call a tow for me, I told them that I was going to call and friend and have them come and give me a jump. It sounded like the truck battery was just dragging.

Then I remembered, hub's friend is with him deer hunting. So I call a friend from work to see if her hubby can help. No such luck, he got called out on his job....on the railroad. She wasnt even at home, she was out with her mom and to top it off, her son had her car. No such luck there either. I start to consider walking home, thinking of the shortest route. I dont live in "good" neighborhood. We bought here ten years ago and the community has started to decline. It is dark and it is cold, but I figure I can stick to the main road for 75% of the way. I am willing to trust my luck, at this point, what other option do I have? I do have one more friend I was going to try. As I am getting ready to dial her number, I notice the truck that was behind me in line with the men that had pushed me had circled back around. I rolled the window down and they asked me if I needed them to give me a jump.

YES!

Thank you God!

They popped the hood and soon discovered the problem, the battery terminals are nasty and caked over. They tell me they need to cleaned. I agree. So they pop the jumper cables on and I turn the key and the truck starts right up. I thank them again for their help. Again.

I got in the truck and sat there. Safe. Warm. And I realized there are still good people in the world today. I know it was a small action that most people would have done, but it felt good.

On another note....What an AWESOME day to be a Razorback fan!!! OMG!!!! What a GREAT game!!!

Thanksgiving was good for me and my family. We went to my mom's and had a great day.

On a much sadder note, my mom had to take her dog and have her put to sleep on Friday. She had been a part of our lives for 17 years. We are all sad, but know it was for the best. R.I.P. Abby.

Family Joy

I dont like my inlaws. Chide me all you want, but I dont. Honestly? I dont think they like me either. After almost 20 years of being with my hubby I still feel as if they view me as an 'outsider'.

When I was young and a newlywed, I had visions of granduer. I envisioned many weekends with the inlaws, mother and siblungs alike. Visions of our kids being best friends and growing up together. Now what do I see? I see the siblings kids being raised that way but me and my daughter are on the outside looking in.

Hubby is from a large family. Growing up I never had a sister, so I loved the idea when we got married that I would have sister in laws. Wrong! I honestly think when a large family starts bringing in new members, they feel as if they dont 'need' anyone else because they already have so many, so they shun the new members. It almost feels like a cult.

My MIL never even calls our house. You know how she talks to hubby? On his cell phone when he is at work. I havent been to her house in over two years. Hubby and daughter have been. I figure why waste my weekend feeling like a oddball, I can stay at home and do something more productive. So I do.

Everyone survived!

It was a great party! We had a party for daughter's 14th birthday. We rented a pavilion at a local park that had a basketball court next to it, volleyball poles and two tetherball poles. We grilled hot dogs and marshmallows and ate cake. The weather was perfect. It was a little warm, but there was a tad bit of crispness in the air. It was fun and the kids seemed to have a good time.

My mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, brother, sister in law and nephew all came for the family fun. There were 15 kids that came out of 30 invited, just like my mom said, 'expect at least half.' What a smart woman she is! Daughter got lots of money and gift cards. I loved watching her with all her friends and knowing that she is a good kid. It made my heart swell with pride.

After the party, she went to the movies with a friend, while hubby and I came home and watched college football. Whoooooo Pig Sooooooie! Go Razorbacks! lol D Mac broke some school records and hopefully increased his chances for the Heisman. Do I honestly think he stands a chance at getting it?!? Noooooooo.

We went Sunday to visit one of hubby's sisters. It was daughter's actual birth day. There was a lot of hubby's family there for S-in-l's baby's christening. The drive there was nice, the leaves are starting to turn and it was beautiful. I got to hold the baby and rock him to sleep. That was nice too. There are days when we consider the possibilty of having a second child.....

Let's pray...

Pray for me, that I survive my daughter's 14th birthday party today and that the kids dont kill me or that I kill one of them. :-P

Pray for daughter, that she survives her 14th year and that I dont kill her! :-)

I died & went to heaven

Full of Grace(land)

The front of Graceland and the front yard. It doesnt look like much now, but I am sure for back then it was grand. I like to imagine what it was like back in the 60's. I am sure it was a lot more secluded back then. I am positive that there were now Elvis Presley museums and gift shops across the street!

The thing that I loved the most was the rock fence that went around it. If that fence could only talk, the stories I am sure it could tell. My mother-in- law grew up in Memphis. She says that a group of her and her friends would go to Graceland and sit across the street and wait for Elvis to walk down the driveway to the mailbox. He would wave at them and get the mail and walk back up the drive.

Living to be 100

I was reading Woodrow’s blog the other day and he mentioned his Grandfather. It made me think about my husband’s grandmother. She turned 100 this past August. She is in a nursing home. Her only daughter, my husband’s mother, lives in the same town. My mother-in-law made the comment many years ago that that her mother was too stubborn to die and would probably out live us all. So far, she maybe right.

In the 14 years since my daughter’s birth, I have lost all of grandparents. My mother’s mom was the last, three years ago this coming January. Her birthday was October 18th. She is the one I miss the most. She is the one I got to know the best after I become an adult, a wife, a mother. I pause every now and then and think to myself, “I have got to tell Grandmother about that.” And then I remember, she isn’t here.

I know she would be even prouder of my daughter than she was. I know she would be proud of the sacrifices that hubby and and I have made so that our daughter can go to a Christian school. That was always what my grandmother was the proudest of, being a Christian and believing in God and Jesus.

Can you imagine the things that my hubby’s grandmother has seen and heard in her lifetime of 100 years? The first thing that comes to mymind is slavery. When she was born, her father was a plantation owner. They had slaves. Her nanny was a black lady. She often told us the story of how one day her nanny made lunch and not wanting to eat by herself, hubby grandmother asked her nanny to eat with her...in the kitchen. The nanny accepted, but then when hubby’s grandmother’s mother walked in and saw it, the nanny was scolded and hubby’s grandmother also.

I cant imagine living in a time growing up believing one thing and then suddenly having to change the way you thought. And can you imagine the technology that she has witnessed in 100 years. The medical advancements made. The roles of men and women in society. It is almost mind boggling to think of things.

Fall!

I love fall! We went shopping yesterday and bought some mums (flowers), pumpkins and a bale of hay. I had the scarecrow and the flag from last year. This is the front of our house, my front porch.

A rekindled lost love

I am sorry for my absence. I have no excuse for it other than I don’t really have anything to say. Or at least it feels that way. Life has become humdrum and it seems there is nothing ‘exciting’ to pass on.

This week has been Homecoming week at my daughter’s school. They have a different theme every day and dress up for, if they want. Monday was Super Hero day, Tuesday was Pajama day and today is Favorite Era day. Tomorrow is Movie Character day and Friday is School Spirit day, they dress up in the most outrageous garb they can possibly find in school colors, of course. My daughter chose to dress in 80’s style today. She had on the layered polos, collars turned up, belt around her waist, blue eye shadow, lots of mascara, add-a-bead necklace, rolled jeans, metallic flats and of course the infamous ponytail on the side. It was funny seeing her look like I used to, but of course I was cool when I dressed like that.

She and I laughed though at how it seems that some of the things that were cool in my day are actually starting to make their way to thepopularity scene today. Stirrup pants with a big shirt were popular back then, nowadays it isn’t the stirrup pant, but leggings, with thebig tunic shirts. And then of course flats are back in style. I really can’t wear them, properly; I am already so short, that a shoe with outany type of heel just makes me appear barefoot. Being so short, my pants legs always drag the ground, even if I buy petite or short, so a flat doesn’t help me in getting that fixed. Plus my feet are so small, with a flared leg jean it looks as if I have no feet, you can barely see my toes sticking out!

Remember the twist a bead necklaces? They are back, but not necessarily in the same ‘form’. They don’t twist them together like we used to, but they let them hang long and maybe wrap it once around their neck. But the form is still the same. And I have seen the clasps in certain jewelry stores so you could wrap them if you wanted.

And the skinny jean is making a comeback. I much prefer the flare leg though…cant see as many rolls in my almost 40 year old body that way!

I do have a new love in my life though and that is partly to blame for my absence. My daughter is the one that introduced us. I am in love with the Twilight series of books by Stephenie Meyer! OMG! They are so good. I love them! They are classified in the “Young Adult” reading sections mainly because it is centered around high school aged people, who really are older by the way. My daughter came home from school talking about these books and about how her English teacher went on and on about how good it was. The first book is "Twilight". There are three in the series right now. The author has plans for a fourth and possibly a fifth. Oh! I hope so! I read the first two in less than a week and started the third. Mydaughter and I are sharing the third one right now. She takes it to school and reads it during the day and I get to read it at night. I am further than she is.

I love to read, hence, part of the reason for choosing my major of English and minor in Journalism for college. I didn’t choose it for the love of the grammatical part, but more for the literature. When I was younger…and it was safe…when I went to Wal-Mart with my mom, she would leave me in the book section. I would find a book, sit down on the floor on the bottom of the shelving and start reading. The book section was usually close to the checkout, so she would come get me on her way to check out. She would buy me the book and usually by the time we got home I was at least a third of the way done. I usually had the book read with in 24 hours of purchasing it. Then my attention was turned to boys and I forgot my first true love…until now. I am truly in love again. Head over heels!

I am already planning on rereading this series again. Slowly. Taking my time. I am a speed-reader and therefore tend to go too fast, even when I try to force myself to slow down. And I am also so happy that I am giddy over this fact…I can order the books on CD!!! Whoo hoo! I can’t wait to listen to them too! The CDs are about $45 - $50 each though, but I don’t care! I know what I am saving my money for now.

Has anyone else read these books? I think she is pretty popular in the UK and is on a book signing tour there now.Grab me a copy if you can VI. Middy? Angela? Cat?

The weather finally took a turn a day ago and is starting to finally cool down. I am so glad it is before we go on our overnight trip thisweekend. We are going to go to Graceland first on Saturday. What isGraceland? Elvis Presley’s house in Memphis, Tennessee! Then we are going to find a nice little sports bar so we can sit, drink and eat while we watch the slaughtering of our beloved Razorbacks. We are goingto spend the night and then go to the Memphis Zoo on Sunday morning and then head back home. I am excited, but then again, I am a homebody and keep thinking of all these things I could be at home doing this weekend if I wasn’t going to be out of town…like reading!

Lost posts

Forgive me! These all run in to one lonnng post, sorry!

8/20
It seems so weird, when I can sit down and write, I cant think of all the things I want to say, but take me away from the computer and I can write a post in my head so fast that I cant get it on to the screen fast enough! Geesh!

School started last week. 8th grade. Wow. Just a few more years and we will have to start thinking about college. That makes my stomach sink and my heart hurt.

My daughter goes to a private Christian school. As a private school, they have chapel every day, pray and study the Bible. Yes, we struggle to pay the tuition, but it has never been an option to take her out. I just wish that my tax dollars could go to the school of choice instead of into the failing public school system. It seems as if every year,our public schools, and I am just referring to the one in my city, I am not lumping them all together. I was a child of the public education system and I am proud of it. But our public school system is in lawsuit after lawsuit, we are buying out contracts of superintendent after superintendent, does that seem like the best way to spend the taxpayers’ dollars?

This fall is the largest influx of kids to the private school systems. I had never planned to put my child in a private school. It was a decision that Hubby and I made when the debate started about whether or not to take “Under God” out of the Pledge of Allegiance. Enough is enough. It just seems ironic that we take the Bible out of schools, but yet that is one of the first things someone gets in prison. Seems we have it a little backwards.

But anyway, she went to public schools through the 3rd grade. So I have experienced both sides. Her back to school list was so much longer and ridiculous in public school. Once,we had to purchase reams of copy paper so the teacher could make copies of papers to hand out so that the whole class could have one. We also had to purchase hand soap, paper towels and Ziploc baggies. Why? Whereare our tax dollars going? I mean come on; we know it’s not on the teachers’ salaries!

Before my daughter started school last week, I took a day off of work and we went on a little day trip with my mom and step dad. My stepdad’s niece and nephews were coming to visit. It is my stepdad’s brother’s kids. My step dad’s brother passed away a few years ago. He had a heart transplant and was doing great, but then an infection set in and he died in a matter of days. His children are about my daughter’s age, 17, 15 and 12. A few years ago, my mom andstep dad took my daughter to visit them in California for a week. She had a lot of fun.

Anyway, we only had a day to do something with them because my daughter started school the next day. So, while it was 104 degrees outside, we went here. It was a cool 58 degrees. The pictures and the website do not do it justice at all. It is amazing. It is so hard to believe that underground, right there where you are standing, is this magnificent creation. I wonder if there are more places like this under the ground that have yet to be discovered? They said when they first discovered the cave that theyfound a skeleton of a Native American and pile of burnt torches laying beside him. Can you imagine what it must have been like to be in that cave with out lighting and not being able to find your way out? Now, of course, it is lit with lights and electricity, but back then it wasn’t. I almost feel sorry for the first discovers who found it and the fact that they didn’t have the blessing of electricity to be able to take in all the beauty at once with the flip of a switch.

I am so tired today. I would really rather be anywhere but work right now. I want to go home and take a nap. Hubby’s new job has been really been hectic and they are working him to death. He has been leaving for work at 5:30am and not returning until 7:30 / 8:00pm. He has more territory to cover than he first thought he would have and there are a lot of things he has to fix. He has had to fire some people already. So I keep trying to encourage him. I know that he will have to do a lot of tearing down before he can rebuild it the way he wants it.

With him leaving so early every morning, it is totally up to me to get daughter and her friends to school every morning. We have the morning shift because there is no way I could ever get off work to pick them up. I have to leave the house about an hour before I have to be at work so that I can pick up two more girls and get them all to school. It hasbeen a little tiresome the past week, but I also enjoy them.

The other morning I was getting on to my daughter for forgetting her school planner. They get those the first day of school and are supposed to have them with them at all times when they are at school. It has their assignments, dress code and hall pass in it. She had only been at school two days and already left hers at home. So I was really chewing her out, telling her how irresponsible it was and that I bet if it was her cellphone, she wouldn’t have forgotten it. When my daughter mentioned she didn’t have hers, one of the other girls said she didn’t either, so when I was done chewing out my daughter, I turned to the one who had forgotten hers and I said, “Okay, do I need to chew on you now too?” She said, “No. No ma’am. I’m good. Thanks.” We just all laughed.

8/21
Hubby’s new job is about to kill him and me too. But I am trying so hard to stay positive and encourage him. For the past year, the people in charge have just been putting a warm body in certain positions just in order to fill the spot, a quick fix kind of thing. Now that hubby is there, its time to move out and clean up. He has already let a fewpeople go and hired better-qualified, more motivated people. This has resulted in him having to work a lot more hours. He even had to work all day Saturday and Sunday.

It takes me exactly an hour to pick up the kids for the car pool, get them to school and then get back to work. I told hubs that I wanted anew car. Driving a standard in traffic is not much fun, but I figured out it is a hidden way to keep your legs in shape, constantly pushing in the clutch and the brake or gas. It gives both legs a pretty much even work out.

Our next house project now that we got new furniture for the living room a few months ago is to repaint and redecorate our bathroom. Our house was built in 1964. The bathrooms have the ceramic tile squares half way up the wall and around the shower walls. The full bath is a nice shade of dark chocolate brown, so we had to find something to go with dark brown. There are sliding shower doors in there right now, but I think we are either going to take those out or just put a shower curtain over them. The tub is a real pale yellow and the toilet, counter top and sink are off white. I found a shower curtain that has dark brown, off white, pale yellow, tan and aqua blue stripes. We are going to paint the walls tan. I am going to get aqua blue rugs and towels and maybe a few yellow ones. We are going to change out all ofthe gold accessories…lighting fixtures, light plate switches and covers, cabinet knobs…to silver. Now that hubby is working so much, I am sure that I will have to do most, if not all, by myself. That is okay Iguess. I am the handy-person around our house anyway.

Speaking of being a handy-person, I remember when I was little I didn’t think there wasn’t a thing in the world that my daddy didn’t know how or couldn’t fix. He could fix or work on anything. He could build motorcycles from a pile of scraps. He could rebuild car engines, fix dents in the body and then even paint it. He is also a gunsmith. He can work on and fix any gun. He can cut, sand, stain, build and or paint any stock for any gun. He can paint them camouflaged if you want that too. He did my husband’s gun. Hubby is constantly having friends ask him at deer camp where he got it done. Growing up Iconstantly had to be careful to not knock over a newly finished gunstock. One of his favorite pastimes was answering the door while proudly displaying one of his new rifles or pistol that he had just purchased to a boy showing up to take me out on a date. He could build things, he built my brother and I state of the art tree house, with doors and windows that opened and closed. He could pour concrete, he poured a concrete slab and then put a storage building on it, complete with poles with hooks for our hammocks. He could rewire broken baby doll legs and glue and solder broken pieces of jewelry.

Needless to say as a young girl and woman, I was in awe of my dad and his many talents. That is why I was so shocked the other day when I saw my dad. A few weeks ago we picked up our daughter from church camp, which is in the same town I grew up in and where my dad lives. In fact, he still lives in the same house I grew up in. We were picking up daughter early on a Saturday morning, so I called my dad the day before to see if he would meet us for breakfast the next morning. He agreed.

I was not expecting what I saw when my dad walked in thedoor. He was bent over and hobbling and his hair was grayer than I had seen it in the past. I had always thought of my dad as a big man, or at least he was in my eyes and now my 13-year old daughter is taller than he is. It made me sad. Time can be cruel. It made me really stop and for the first time I thought to myself, “My dad is getting old.” Iguess it turns out that my Superman is really human after all.

10/1
Contrary to recent rumors and gossip columns, I am still alive.

Barely.

Just kidding of course, but it does seem as though some days that is closer to truth than fiction. I am sorry for my absence and no warning or worse my lack of reasoningfor it. The only excuse I can offer is just work. It is all work’s fault. Why? Because I think that most of my creativity hits me during the day and I cant get on to blog then. Or often times I would find creativity hidden in me only after after I would read a blog and it would spark an idea for a post. Now when I do get online at home, it seems like I am trying to do ten other things at the same time for everyone else or my daughter is hanging over my shoulder wanting to know how much longer I will be so that she can have the computer.

I am going to see if there is anyway I can set my blog so that I can email posts, does anyone know if there is a way? Right now I am writing them out in Microsoft Word, copying and pasting them to my work email, sending them to my Hotmail account at home, copying and pasting from Hotmail and then finally post it to Blogger.

I read a few blogs this weekend getting caught up…VI has had a close call of the Real Life kind, exactly why I tell no one in RL that Iblog….and a comment that poor Joe left indicates that he is in big trouble with a real lifer and his blog life…blackmail?? I cant imagine that someone would or could be so cruel…and then Woodrow is out enjoyinglife with his boy….that’s just the way it should be.

I have decided that I wont be in attendance for my 20th year class reunion. I didn’t really have a best friend in high school and that was because I had an older boyfriend and spent all my time on the weekends with him. History seems to be repeating itself with my daughter and I am trying to warn her, just like my mother tried to warn me too. I was friends with everyone in high school regardless of gender, age, race or social class. I liked high school. I wasn’t a very good student, but I had a good time. I was good. I was quiet. Ididn’t get in trouble. I was a Homecoming Maid. I was on the annual staff. There is no one that I can think of that I want to see, so therefore why spend the money and the time and the gas to get there? I know, I am a party pooper and must really be getting old.

Actually, I am a year older now that I was the last time I posted. It was a nice day. I got a few gift cards (Visa and Bath & Body), CD’s, a book and candles. Plus my coworkers took me to lunch on my birthday and then that night a friend took my family and me out to eat. This coming week is hubby’s birthday. I always have to shift so fast from being the pampered to the one who does the pampering. Then next month is daughter’s birthday.

We are going on a little weekend getaway in a couple of weeks. My daughter had remarked that she had never been to Graceland. We only live a few hours away from there, so a friend of mine (her boyfriend’s mother) suggested that we all go there together. She said she has enough points of her business credit card to get us hotel rooms for the night, so we said sure! It will be her, her son (daughter’s bf), me, hubby and daughter. I am looking forward to going. We might go to the Memphis Zoo. I hope that the weather cools down just a little before we go though.

I love fall. All the leaves are starting to change colors and fall. Ifeel so blessed to live in a wonderful state where there are a lot of mountains with trees so that we can watch the change and most of all, marvel at the beauty of it. There is less humidity in the air, so it doesn’t seem quite as hot as 85-88 degrees feels in the summer time. I hope the temps will drop in to the 60’s and 70’s soon.

We have been to a few high school football games this year. It was fun. We played our big across the river rival and tied! That was disappointing given the fact that we missed two extra point kicks, which means we would have won!

Hubby’s new job SUCKS! Right before he took it he told me “This sounds too good to be true!” Well I guess that should have been our first clue. It was too good to be true…nothing that they told him in the beginning of how things would be, are how they are at all now. He is at another job interview as I am typing this. I hope he gets it. He told me yesterday that he would never be so happy to quit a job as he would be to quit this one. His cell phone rings at all hours of the day, every day. I refer to his work cell phone as the “Hotline to Hell”.

What is it?

What practically weighs nothing, but yet few can hold it?





Answer:
The tongue.

I feel invisible

The Invisible Woman

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him,

"Who is that with you, young fella?"

"Nobody," he shrugged.

Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I wouldstand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder,"Would someone turn the TV down?"

Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd beenthere for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more; "Can you fix this?" "Can you tie this?" "Can you open this?" Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"
I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30,please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going,̧ she's goiņg, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sittingthere, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

• No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
• These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
• They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
• The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam.

He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Class of 1987

I had hoped that I had been over looked, forgotten.

Or maybe my invitation had been lost in the mail.

Or maybe they decided not to have one...

I had hoped.


I was wrong.

Crap.

I got a phone call in regards to my 20th class reunion.

Damn.

In October.

Shit!

Real Life

I feel as if my blog is dying a slow and painful death.

I love reading you all and I miss you very much. I do honestly think about you all in my "real life".

If I see a Harley or go to Hollister's in the mall, I think if Little Wing.

If I see man in a military uniform or hear the news, I think of Midnight.

If I hear a character in a movie or on a tv news program that has an English accent, I think of VI, OG, FB and WildCat.

If I start loving on my cat and talking to him, I think of Joie and her Fatcat or Middy and his "pussies".

I watched a show last night where they went to Australia to meet the guy's parents (The Age of Love) and I thought of Joe and Eileen.

I have looked at fish tanks in the store and thought of the posts that VI and OG have posted about their kids' fishes.

I go out on my deck and I think of Joie and her dealings with Asshat.

I go to the lake on the weekend and I think of Woodrow fishing and boating with his son.

I see an OU license plate and I think of Woodrow and Burg.

If I hear something about Texas, I think of Anne.

The list goes on and on. It is weird how much of this can creep in to our "real life". And it can make us better people or it can take us down.

I wish I had more time to share things with you. I do miss you all very much.

I feel as if I know you in a way. And to say that you all have not changed me in some small way, would be a lie. My heart is now bigger because of all of you. I feel as if no matter where I went in the world, I would be that much closer to a friend I first met here.