I swear someday I am going to explode. I am going to blow smooth up and then it will to late. I can’t say a damn thing right to please my husband. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Apparently I don’t look right to him either or he would want me more right? I am so freaking worn out and frustrated I want to scream.
It is like he wants this wife that is just jolly, happy-go lucky all the time, but the second I open my mouth to say something negative he explodes all over me. I cant be happy ALL THE DAMN TIME! Especially if he doesn’t give me anything to be happy about!
I have so much to say and I can’t say it all. I don’t want to lay it all out here for ya'll to judge. I know that not every thing is his fault. I have my faults too. No one is perfect. But God, for once, just once, could he say something positive about me? About something I do. I feel like such a second-class citizen, begging. Begging for attention. Begging to be loved. Begging for respect. Basically just begging to be noticed.
When we first met he doted on me. I was the center of everything. He couldn’t do a thing with out. We moved to new towns for his job where it was just the two of us. We packed and unpacked entire moving trucks by ourselves. We were a team. We were each other's best friends and we were proud of that. We bragged about how all we needed was each other.
That all seemed to change when the second I had our daughter. All of his attention and focus went from me to her and then to him. I feel as if I was just there to cook, clean and keep his child for him until he got home. Even my mom noticed it. She is the one that pointed it out to me. Even now, I don’t get the same greeting when he comes home from work as our daughter does, or for that fact, the dog. He has more enthusiasm for the dog than he does for me.
I am looking forward to him being gone again this weekend. I swear I don’t know where to start in trying to explain all of this. So much of it is built up in me. Ask me questions, I will do my best to try and tell you answers. I am scared that this is the way all marriages end up after almost 20 years. Do married couples just begin to tolerate each other and live around each other? I hate this feeling. I want to be held. I want to be loved. I want someone's eyes to light up when they see me. I want to hear the smile in someone's voice when they hear me on the phone. Sometimes maybe I think I want too much. It cant be like that all the time.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
So Tired
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8 comments:
I'm 27 and not yet married or a mum, so I'd be very understanding of your reticence to listen to any advice that I might have (!)...but, at the risk of sounding annoyingly obvious - have you said any of this to your husband? have you spoken to him and told him how you feel? is he aware that you feel neglected and overlooked? If there's anything I've learnt from the good and bad relationships I've had, it's that communication really can make a difference. I'm sure he loves you, and not just because you're the mother of his child, but I guess very few things in life fall into place without a bit or, more often, a lot of effort - it sounds like he needs to make more effort to ensure that you feel loved, but perhaps you also need to make an effort to sit him down and really talk to him about the way you are feeling.
You say you don't want us/anyone to judge you, and this is a fear I can understand. But nobody has a perfect life (well nobody I know anyway)...all of us on here have our issues, problems and sore-points...we choose to share these and write what we are feeling, when we feel it...you may not be the happiest you could be in your marriage, but anybody who judges you for that, or for expressing it, is not worthy of reading, or commenting on, your blog. Sorry for the long comment - but I thought such an honest and beautifully written post deserved it.
I'll now shut up and let the married/divorced/more worldly members of our little blogging family give you some more useful advice! Gxx
You know I'll stick my nose in on ANYTHING Kris, but I don't know how I can offer a perspective on this as I'm only 4 years in, rather than 17.
I know that I am nowhere near as attentive of my Wife as when I first met her. I took her on surprise trips, got engaged in Rome (on Valentine's Day - how corny is that lol) used to spend hours talking with her whilst in the bath together...
These days I come in from work knackered and pissed off, she's feeling the same (she works full time too) and we just somehow end up running the house together rather than stopping to talk.
I wish I had an answer for it. I have noticed it in myself and try to do something about it, but it can be difficult. Little things get blown out of proportion and pressures build up more than they used to.
If MW mentions the lack of communication I accuse her of nagging, even though I KNOW she's right, mainly because I feel guilty. Marriages do take work, but that can't be one-sided.
How to make him listen? He probably does...
How to make him do something positive about it? Even as a bloke myself I can't answer that.
I wish i had the answers... i guess I'm just doing the best i can in my relationship as well. If love is a bed of Roses, best we try avoid some of the pricks.
Try and take him out somewhere nice, sit him down and just talk to him....it just might get throughto him.
I had a long comment as well, but bloody blogger wouldn't let me post it! Moral at the end of the story, why don't you try a marriage counciller?
I'm certaonly no marriage guidance counsellor and I think you've had some top advice already from the girls!
I would say I don't think you are expecting too much, but does your husband know your expectations?
It takes effort from both sides to keep the flame burning, but one thing I do know, is that it's worth the effort if you both want it!
Surprise him by wearing a hot new outfit and shag him senseless. By then you'll have his full attention (and you'll have got laid) so he might be in the mood to listen attentively?
I'm kind of with Sleepless on this, except to add...
If the hot new outfit and attempt to shag him senseless don't work, keep wearing the outfit and smiling to yourself so he thinks it may be working somewhere else - that'll buck his ideas up!
Fantastic idea there, FB!!!!!
I'm too worried to comment, cos ill tell u to leave him if he doesnt go for FB's idea.
(thinking of u) xxx
And u know i dont give xxx's away lightly!!
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